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Years ago a senior facing a severe decline in eye sight asked to speak with me. She said, "Rabbi, I have mostly been a good person throughout my life, but once, when I was younger, I did a terrible thing. I am quite sure that I'm losing eyesight as a punishment for what I did." We spoke for some time as I tried to convince her that she was confronting a medical condition, not a moral condemnation. In the words of Rabbi Harold Schulweis (z'l), nature is amoral. Nature and science do what they will, and it is an unhealthy theology to conclude that suffering comes as a punishment. That being said, unfortunately, she is not the first Jew to posit such thinking. The Jewish holiday of Tisha B'av is coming up, this year July 31-August 1. Tisha B'av is a day of fasting that is set aside to mourn the destruction of the Temples in Jerusalem in 586 BCE by the Babylonians, and in 70 CE by the Romans. According to the Rabbis, the Temple was destroyed because of sinat chinam, senseless hatred between Jews. The Rabbis felt remorse for the fact that the Jewish people were divided and fractured at that time and concluded that the Temple's destruction must have been sent as a punishment. To this I say the following: while I reject the notion of divine punishment, I do recognize the reality of natural consequences. When people are consumed with hatred their words and actions flow from that hatred. When people are filled up with love and warmth, very different words and actions flow from that love. The consequences are often immeasurable. Sometimes there is no way to connect the dots. But all relationships are affected by emotions and emotions can take on a life of their own. Even today, there is political and religious conflict over Jerusalem and even over the holiest of sites, the Western Wall, also known as the Kotel. Orthodox and non-Orthodox Jews are battling over how to make that place holy. There are new wedges of division between the Israeli government and diaspora Jewry over Jerusalem's holiest site. Isn't that ironic? We pray for a day when there will be only peace and love expressed among Jews and between Jews and our Muslim neighbors. And we can take the time of Tisha B'av to check in with ourselves. Do we harbor senseless hatred toward anyone? Is it good or bad for ourselves, our family, our communities, our country? What biases do we have against people of different denominations or religions? How can we grow love inside of ourselves toward those most difficult for us to love? In the end, Judaism wants nothing more from us than to love our neighbor as ourselves. "All the rest is commentary—go and learn it!"Rabbi Karen BenderSkirball Director of Spiritual [email protected] I Arch of Titus image courtesy Steerpike [CC BY 3.0]

May I invite you to consider Adam’s point of view. Remember Adam? The very first human being, born into the Garden of Eden on the sixth day of creation. Adam loved the sun. He enjoyed its light and its warmth upon his skin. So you can imagine what happened when he experienced his first sunset. At first it must have been breathtaking for him—the variant colors in the sky as the day came to a close. But according to midrashic commentary on the Torah, once the sunset was complete Adam burst into tears. Where did that beloved ball of warmth and light go? Did I do something to cause it to leave? No human being had ever experienced a sunset before, so Adam assumed that it was gone forever. Imagine how thrilled Adam was the next morning when he saw the sun rise for the first time. He sang and danced and rejoiced! Adam marveled at the magnificence of the sun. What if we felt that way each morning? What if we woke up in awe of the magical sun as if the sun’s very existence were a genuine miracle? If you happened to be here at the Grancell Village Campus of the Los Angeles Jewish Home on August 21st around 10:00 a.m., then you witnessed that type of enthusiasm. The family of one of our residents was kind and thoughtful enough to bring multiple pairs of viewing glasses for our residents and staff. One by one people shared the glasses and gazed into the sky with wonderment and awe. News agencies reported that this went on all over the country. Millions of Americans stopped to watch. I’m no scientist but I have got to say: what is the likelihood that the sun would be 400 times the size of the moon and also 400 times further away from the earth than the moon, so that this perfect encounter could occur? It’s amazing. And from a Jewish point of view, a solar eclipse can only take place on the eve of Rosh Chodesh, the Jewish holiday celebrating the new moon, the first of the month. With the events that took place last week in Charlottesville, Virginia, many Americans felt a sense of hopelessness and even fear that we are sliding backwards in time, as if there has been an eclipse of the hearts of many of our people. But then so many came out of the woodwork during the week and on the weekend following, demonstrating against bigotry, against racism, against neo-nazism. There has been an eclipse of the sun but not a “total eclipse of the heart.” Perhaps if we can all remember that we are all citizens of the earth, inhabitants of the same universe, all descendants from Adam and Eve, we will remember, as Jewish tradition teaches, that no one can say, “my lineage is better than yours.” We are all one, warmed by the same sun.Rabbi Karen BenderSkirball Director of Spiritual [email protected]

Last week former President George W. Bush warned against the "casual cruelty" in our nation's discourse these days. He was warning against caustic language and damaging words. Words have been on my mind all month because at this time of year, the Torah focuses upon their power. Take the opening passages of the Torah itself, in which the world is created via language: "Yehi Or!" "Let there be light!" Yes, in our telling of the creation story, the universe comes into existence by way of verbal utterance. Our "Big Bang" is a big pronouncement. This is not to refute science. It is to teach us that words are so powerful that they can create worlds. We also know that words are powerful enough to destroy. Consider how on the playground children will defend themselves against mean spirited language by saying, "Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never harm me." It is a clever response but completely untrue. Few adults remember the physical pain from a scratch or scrape the way that they remember the sting of mean words hurled at them. The second Torah portion, Noah, tells yet another story about speech. The Tower of Babel is built by people ambitious to reach the heavens. In an effort to explain why the earth is filled with so many different languages, the story goes that God adds languages to humanity to deter people from communicating well enough to grab too much power. But my favorite Jewish text on the subject of speech is found in our prayer book. After the Amida, an extremely long prayer that is said both to oneself as well as aloud during Jewish prayer services, we come upon the following text: "My God. Guard my tongue from evil and my lips from speaking guile. And to those who slander me, let me give no heed. May my soul be humble and forgiving to all. Open my heart, O Eternal, to Your sacred law, that Your statues I may know and all Your truth pursue…May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to You, O Eternal, my Rock and my Redeemer." In this prayer, known as the "Elohai," we seek to avoid misusing our tongues and mouths to speak bad words about others. Is this just a prayer for avoiding gossip? Or is it more? How do we wish to use our "air time" with people, especially those closest to us? Do we want to waste a lot of time venting about others, speaking negatively to or about people, or do we want to use our "air time" elevating those around us with words of praise, gratitude and encouragement? I have always believed that the reason that religious prayers offer praise of God and words of thanksgiving and awe is not because God needs to get a compliment. These prayers are designed to have us practice saying beautiful and kind things—for ourselves and each other. Rabbi Karen BenderSkirball Director of Spiritual [email protected]

Holidays are a time for celebrations and for visiting family and friends. But sometimes the holiday season can also be a source of the blues for seniors, who may have lost loved ones or are experiencing health problems. So, what is the best way to help seniors beat the holiday blues? First, be sure to know the signs of depression. In addition to thoughts or discussion of suicide, they may include: changes in appetite and weight, sleeping much more than normal, lasting sadness, crying more often, feeling worthless, thinking more slowly, and generally losing interest. If you see any of these signs, encourage the person to talk with a healthcare provider…and also to talk with you. In fact, spending more time with seniors is one of the best things you can do for them at the holidays. Here are 8 simple steps you can take to make the time you spend together enriching and help the seniors you love deal with the holiday blues: 1. Treat them to a night out. Go out to dinner, a movie, or the theater or ballet. Or simply take a ride around the neighborhood to see menorahs and other holiday decorations. Or invite senior loved ones to your home for a party. Help arrange their transportation, if needed. If possible, even involve them in the party planning. 2. Bake sweet treats or make latkes together Then share them with family, friends, and neighbors. 3. Shop together – out and about, or online During this time of year, most stores have fun and festive decorations, so your outing can focus on window-shopping, if more appropriate. 4. Make seasonal crafts Make holiday cards, knit hats or mittens, or flower arrangements. Time flies when you’re creating together. 5. Decorate the house Break out the nosh and hot chocolate, and spend a fun-filled afternoon or evening decorating. 6. Wrap gifts together What could be a chore can actually be quality time if you have fun wrapping gifts together. 7. Volunteer Helping others can be really uplifting. Together with your senior, contact local schools, hospitals, and charitable organizations to learn about volunteer opportunities. 8. Talk Just sit and talk…and truly listen. Encourage the seniors you love to express their feelings. It can help both you and your loved ones understand why they feel the way they do. And then you both can take steps together to help them feel better. The holidays are a time to celebrate. You can help the seniors in your life kick the blues and feel the magic of the season by spending more time with them enjoying fun, simple activities. An added benefit of spending time with seniors to help make their holidays happy: It’s infectious and bound to make your holidays happy too!

What gift do you get for a senior who has lived a long and full life? Cute coffee mugs? Pencils that glow in the dark? Probably not. Seniors tend to want practical and thoughtful gifts that will make their lives easier. Here are a few suggestions. 1. A lightweight, folding, single-step stool A simple way to give independent seniors a leg up on items that are just out of reach. Speaking of hard to reach… 2. A grab-and-reach tool A safe, easy way for seniors to latch onto hard-to-reach items. And speaking of latching on… 3. Gripper socks The non-skid bottoms help assure a firm footing to prevent slips and falls. Nowadays, these socks come in a variety of fashionable designs and colors. Speaking of colors… 4. Large-print coloring books A study found that seniors who engage in creative activities have better overall health than those who don’t. Choose senior-friendly, easy-to-see coloring books. Speaking of easy to see… 5. Oversize calculator and big-button phones Both have large numbers to make them easy to read and use. Speaking of easy to use… 6. Gift cards Purchase them at your loved ones’ favorite stores—and let them choose their own gift. What a treat! And speaking of treats… 7. Homemade goodies Whether it’s mandelbrot or babka, rugelach or macaroons, just knowing that it’s made with love makes it more delicious. And speaking of love… 8. The very best gift Finally, there’s one more gift for the seniors in your life—and the most important one of all: show them your love by spending time with them and giving them your attention. That’s the gift your loved ones will love most of all.

Fire is an incredible element and force of nature. On the one hand it can be overwhelming when it burns out of control. Parts of Southern California have been ablaze for weeks. Many days, though we were not close to the fires, we had to stay indoors to avoid inhaling the smoke. Thankfully, because of the bravery and diligence of the firefighters, who have had to work day and night, lives, homes and even synagogues have been saved by the skills of hand and heart, hose and helicopter. Water has been a rival and affective opponent of fire run amuck. Indeed, fire is an incredible element and force of nature, as demonstrated also by the Chanukiah, or Chanukah Menorah. The Chanukah lights remind us of the power of fire when it is controlled. Fire controlled can be productive instead of destructive. It can warm the body and warm the soul. The ambiance of candle light is unmatched. That is why the rabbis of the Talmud noted that the reason we start with one candle on the first night and add a candle each night until the eighth is because in matters of holiness we never decrease, we only increase. There is fire and there is fire. Fire uncontrolled is like passions uncontained. Fire uncontrolled is like impulses unrestrained. Controlled fire is like controlled impulse. You know when you are simply going about your day, doing your own thing, with not a bother on your mind and then suddenly something happens that really upsets you? In that moment, every time, is an opportunity to make a choice. In that moment you have the opportunity to decide to be like a gentle candle or a blazing fire. Psychiatrist and Auschwitz survivor Dr. Viktor E. Frankl wrote, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." When we react to difficult moments uncontrolled, we can insult or hurt others. When we slow down, give pause and commit ourselves to our best response, we can heal the moment, heal ourselves and others. When a fire is out of control, smoke can blow far beyond the area of the fire itself. I know someone with asthma who suffered during fires that were 20 miles away. So too with our emotions. Passions uncontained and impulses unrestrained do damage beyond their immediate impact, both in time and in lives. The flame of the Chanukah menorah is soft. It is gentle but determined, illuminating and enlightening. It is fire but it is the fire of a Chanukah candle, which humbles us with its confidence in the miraculous. May we enter the new year inspired by the memory of its sweet light. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!!! Rabbi Karen BenderSkirball Director of Spiritual [email protected]

Saturday, February 17th, is Random Acts of Kindness Day. It's a day that has grown in popularity over the years. And for good reason: being kind feels good. Here are 21 random acts of kindness you can do: Stop at a child's lemonade stand and buy a drink.Surprise a neighbor with freshly baked cookies or treats!Getting a coffee? Buy one for the person behind you in line.Help a pedestrian safely cross the street.We all know parents who need a night out. Offer to babysit for free.Hold the elevator door open for someone in a hurry.Purchase extra dog or cat food and bring it to an animal shelter.When you're at the supermarket, let someone with just a few items go ahead of you.Give a friend or family a plant or flowers.Have a clean-up party at a beach or park.Leave your waiter or waitress a generous tip for good service.Write your partner a list of things you love about him or her.Run an errand for a busy friend or family member.Email or write a person who made a positive difference in your life.Let another car merge in front of you.Offer to give directions to someone who looks lost.When you're at the grocery store, help people return their shopping carts.Bring food or snacks for the people you work with.Make sure every person in a group conversation feels included.When you're with family and friends, focus on them instead of your cell phone.Become an organ donor. There are so many other potential random acts of kindness. Do whatever you can—on February 17th and every day!

On Shabbat morning, October 13th, friends and family gathered in the Ziman Synagogue on the Eisenberg Village campus of the Los Angeles Jewish Home as resident Howard Leeds stepped up on the bimah for his second bar mitzvah. The ceremony most commonly takes place at age 83. According to Eisenberg Village Rabbi Ron Goldberg, the custom of a second bar mitzvah is based on the reading of Psalm 90:10, which says 70 years is the expected lifespan of most humans. When a person reaches age 83, it is a lifetime plus the bar mitzvah years of 13. "It is a recognition of a life well lived, a full life and a reason to celebrate reaching a milestone," Rabbi Goldberg added. Wearing the tallis he first put on in 1948 at his first bar mitzvah, Howard led the Torah service, chanting the prayers with familiar melodies. "It all came flooding back as if it were yesterday," Howard remarked. Beaming with pride, he drew upon his training as a junior cantor at the Kingsbridge Heights Jewish Center in the Bronx to lead the service. Delighted to have the opportunity for a second bar mitzvah at the Jewish Home, he said, "It was much more meaningful than I can possibly express. I should have invited more people. It was a wonderful experience. Rabbi Ron was terrific and went out of his way to include my wife in the service. I'm so grateful to the Jewish Home for giving me the chance to have a second bar mitzvah." Residents at the Jewish Home are offered the opportunity to actively engage in programs enhancing their knowledge of Judaism. Our rabbis teach classes for intellectual stimulation and spiritual growth. For some of our residents, this is the beginning of their adult Jewish learning. Many seniors were not able to have a bar or bat mitzvah when they were younger, but now have the time to explore Judaism more deeply. Mazel tov to Howard!

The Jewish Home is a destination for Los Angeles-area seniors—an environment offering warmth, caring, compassion, and safety. For many seniors, including Edith Frankie, Linda Frankes, and Mildred Moccio, it is also a point of embarkation: a place from which to set out on exciting journeys of growth and self-discovery. In June, all three women celebrated their adult bat mitzvahs at the Home, culminating a period of intensive preparation and personal exploration. It was Edith, recalls Rabbi Karen Bender, the Home's Skirball Director of Spiritual Life for the Home's Grancell Village campus, who provided the initial inspiration for the bat mitzvah event. "Edith is a Holocaust survivor, and she had sponsored an honorary bat mitzvah for her six-year-old sister, who never made it out of the camps," Rabbi Bender says. "One day, I suggested she consider having her own bat mitzvah, and she quickly embraced the idea." From there, Edith picks up the narrative. "I was worried at first because I don't read Hebrew, but Rabbi Bender was very encouraging about how I could learn," she says. "I thought, ‘What a terrific way to get revenge on Hitler: to deepen my understanding of Jewish history and culture!'" Once Edith was on board, Rabbi Bender extended the offer to her Jewish Home congregants at large. Linda and Mildred stepped up immediately. "I've always had a deep interest in Judaism, but I grew up during a time when girls were less involved in Jewish religious life, plus my family lived far away from the closest Jewish community," Linda notes. "Now that I'm at the Home, I have time to do what I want to do, and I decided to join Rabbi Bender, Edith, and Mildred every week to learn. It was absolutely wonderful." Mildred's path to the bimah was different. Earlier this year, at 82 years old, she converted to Judaism from her native Catholic faith in a Jewish Home ceremony led by Rabbi Bender. Her daughter had converted decades earlier, and Mildred ultimately felt the same call. "It took me 82 years to move closer to God, but Judaism has changed my life and way of thinking," she says. With the conversion behind her, she set her sights on a new horizon: gaining something else in common with her 22-year-old granddaughter Payton, who was raised Jewish and had a bat mitzvah at the age of 13. "My mom and my daughter share an incredible connection, and my mom actually took Payton's Hebrew name during her conversion," says Debbie Doll Breindel, Mildred's daughter. "Now with the bat mitzvah, this whole set of experiences has been so amazing for both of them. I'm incredibly grateful to the Jewish Home for making it possible. My mom living there has been the best thing that's happened to our family." Edith's son Richard is equally effusive. "My mom has a smile that is always shining, both on her face and in her heart," he says. "Even though she moved into the Home right when she lost my dad—the love of her life for 65 years—and didn't know anyone else, she quickly embraced her life there and started attending services every Friday night and Saturday morning. Her bat mitzvah at the Home is a remarkable accomplishment my wife and I will always treasure, and one that I know my dad would have loved to see." Edith, Linda, and Mildred's admirers extend well beyond their immediate families. "It was a privilege to attend the b'not mitzvah of these very special Jewish Home residents," says Andrew Berman, chair of the Home's board of directors. "I'm thrilled they were able to experience the joy and fulfillment of this monumental event at this stage of their extraordinary lives." The women each received a tallit for the occasion, and they wrote divrei torahs (brief commentaries on the weekly Torah portion) to give during the service. Their speeches reflected the insights they gleaned during five months of dedicated study with Rabbi Bender. "The learning process was so rewarding for these women, and for me," Rabbi Bender says. "It was very touching, and a great honor, to shepherd them through this process. These are people who would probably never have done this in any other setting, but because they're at the Jewish Home, they had the opportunity. It's just incredible." Rabbi Bender points out that, in addition to engaging in a life-affirming act for themselves, Edith, Linda, and Mildred have also helped blaze a trail for other seniors like them. "The moral of this story is that you can keep stretching and growing at any age," she says. "It's never too late to learn something new."

I am writing to you on the last night of Chanukah. Tonight is nearly the darkest night of the month and year, as the Winter solstice arrives this Monday. The rabbis understood this 1500 years ago and intentionally had us light the nine lights of the menorah at this time on the calendar to pierce the darkness. Let us be frank: we are living in dark times. I think of the staff who need to inform and be informed that they have Covid. I think of the resident who learns they are being transferred to a different room or campus or the hospital to ensure they get the maximum care they need, but are uprooted from the comfort of the familiar. There are those confined to their rooms, which can feel so restrictive despite the knowledge it is a confinement of caution, love and protection. And there are others who bravely enter those rooms without hesitation to provide food and personal care. My heart goes to those who are being constantly briefed on updated policies so they can implement what will help us be safe. Residents miss loved ones, friends, table mates, families, affection and smiles without masks. The anger and fear is palpable on our floors and in our buildings, as we arrive and when we depart. Some shed tears but can’t get the hugs they deserve, others wear a uniform of courage but go home and weep with loved ones or alone. For some, loneliness is the hardest part. For others, exhaustion is barely manageable. There are those among us who may have lost hope. Moses knew our feelings. When his sister, Miriam, contracted leprosy, a highly contagious virus that often plagued members of the community, he prayed, "Oh G-d, please, heal her, please!" How many times have we prayed, "Source of life, keep them safe, keep me safe!" I am so impressed and moved seeing residents take one day at a time with prayers and strength some did not know they had. I am touched and amazed by our extraordinary staff, who come through for residents and each other every day. And the solution is coming soon! Very soon we will all be able to receive the vaccine. Tragically it will be too late for some, which makes the news bitter-sweet. But it is not too late for us. And it is never too late to ask ourselves, "What can I learn from what has happened this year?" To this I would recommend, do not waste a minute. Because soon this pandemic will be conquered and it will be natural for us to go back to worrying about matters which don’t really matter. So before redemption comes, let’s ask ourselves what is the lesson about life and ourselves for today? Whether you are 95, 50 or 20 there is an opportunity for growth today. The prophet Zachariah said, "Not by might nor by power but by spirit…" We are not watching a gladiator fight where there will be a winner and a loser. This is not Star Wars with a war between good and evil. Rather, this is a pandemic which will be beaten not with sword but with love, not with weapon but with courage, not with anger but with the spirit of hope—and vaccines and medications, too. You are the candle that illuminates the darkness. Thank goodness for you. May the Creator of the Universe bless you and everyone you love with health, hope, peace and the spirit of the light. Rabbi Karen BenderSkirball Director of Spiritual Life, Grancell Village [email protected]