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In 1983 a documentary was made entitled “A Generation Apart,” which explored the impact of the Holocaust on the survivors’ families. It was described as a “testimony to the power of love.” Over 30 years later, as I walked through the Los Angeles Jewish Home’s Eisenberg Village, I witnessed another testimony to the power of love related to the Shoah. A small group of the Holocaust survivors who live at the Jewish Home were meeting.The group was led by resident Ernest Braunstein. Although I had only been CMO at the Home for a few weeks, I knew several of the participants. One was even from my mother’s city of Lodz, Poland. He and his wife are now my patients. Their daughter was also participating in the group discussion.The number of living Holocaust survivors is dropping dramatically. Resident survivors of the Home may number less than 20 in a community of 1000.The deaths they once barely escaped are now palpably close again, and they react to that in different ways. Some exude their exuberance for just being alive, and a few live in a perpetual fog of fear. In others their paranoia is paramount, and in many the guilt of survival continues to germinate.Author Jane Gross quoted Rabbi Simon Hirschhorn in an article published Oct. 23, 2014 in The New Old Age. “Some of the elderly survivors cry inconsolably but wordlessly, incapable or unwilling to articulate anything about the past. Others, often dry-eyed, incessantly discuss the terrible things they saw and had to do to save their lives. And they often flip, all but overnight, from one way of coping to the other as the end of life approaches.”In senior communities around the world that have a significant number of survivors, support groups try to help them cope. One challenge the facilitators face is that many survivors have spent their entire lives not talking about their psychological pain and are not going to “open up” as the facilitators encourage them to do.Regardless of the town they came from or the camp they were in, Shoah survivors are not like other aged residents in senior living. They are truly a generation apart.The survivors’ adult children, like myself, are also unlike their generation. We are also a generation apart. In Gross’s article, Rabbi Hirschhorn, who is the son and grandson of survivors and is a nursing home clergy, said survivors’ children struggle more than others with the guilt of placing a parent in an institutional setting.According to Rabbi Hirschhorn, survivors’ children, often called Second Generation or “2G” for short, “grow up, from the time they are little, with the unconscious wish to make it better, to take away the pain.’’ Both my wife’s parents and my parents were survivors of the Shoah, and we also had the desire not to add any pain to our parents’ lives by our decisions. We, like Charlotte Dell in the article by Gross, always had “an overwhelming feeling of responsibility that there is no additional suffering.’’Staff that care for survivors and their adult children have a significant task to guide these families through what is likely the most difficult transition of their lives.Perhaps the most challenging medical issue adult children struggle with is whether or not to consent to a feeding tube when their parent can no longer safely eat. Many encouraged by their clinicians choose to have a feeding tube placed. I once overheard a doctor yell at a daughter of a patient with advanced dementia, “You don’t want your Mother to starve to death, do you?” In addition to the bias of some doctors, survivors and their surrogates typically choose any medical interventions that have the goal to prolong life. Unfortunately, what this daughter was not told, and what many children struggling with this decision are not told, is that placing a feeding tube typically means their parent will not be allowed to eat ever again. In addition, numerous medical studies have shown feeding tubes in patients with advanced dementia may increase pain, and often worsen the quality and length of life.The struggle around whether or not to place a feeding tube is even more challenging for second generation. They wonder whether their action may actually cause additional suffering to their survivor parent by triggering the painful memories of the starvation they had in the war. Since they are not allowed to eat after placement of the tube, it also takes away the basic physical pleasure of eating that is so important because it had been previously denied to them. Not allowing a survivor to eat also creates tremendous guilt in their children. One of my 2G friends told me when they declined having the feeding tube placed in their dad, it felt like they had put on the black uniform of a SS soldier.I was thinking about the various challenges of caring for aging Holocaust survivors as I watched the small group gathered around a table in the Zuckerman Board Room at the Jewish Home. Thankfully, those thoughts quickly left and were amazingly replaced by the warmth, love, and friendship that were evident. I saw in their eyes and heard in their strong voices that this group was different than one seen in typical nursing homes. It was full of hope. I am looking forward to the next time I have a chance to sit down with them, listen, and hopefully help bring the generations together.

Recently, we celebrated the start of a New Year – the time of year when people do soul-searching and make resolutions on what they want to do in the coming year. Tomorrow is the Jewish holiday of Tu B’Shevat – the holiday which is known as the beginning of a New Year for trees. Naturally, this could be a time for trees to engage in making New Year resolutions just as humans do. Here is what I think a tree’s New Year checklist might look like. I divided the checklist into three areas of focus: Quality, Safety, and Service – three areas at the center of the health care improvement movement, three areas the Jewish Home excels in. Quality:Did I ensure that my fruits were sweet and did not make those who partook in them sick?Did I drop my leaves and eliminate what was no longer necessary in my life?Did I grow towards the sun as a tree should, reaching up higher and higher towards that which I could never grasp, but which nurtured me all the same the more I stretched towards it?Did I grow in strength and wisdom as signified by the new ring that was added this year? Safety:Did I bend in the wind, accepting what God sent without breaking or giving up hope?Did I make sure my roots remained firmly planted in the soil that nurtured me and connected me to my origins? Service:Did I make sure my fruits were available to all that could enjoy them?Did I shelter the seedlings that lived in my shade – so that they would grow up to become the next generation?Did I provide a place for others to benefit from my presence?Did everyone walk away from me feeling better? Come to think of it, this checklist might not be too bad for anyone working in healthcare.Noah MarcoChief Medical OfficerLos Angeles Jewish Home

It is a well-documented fact our health is influenced by factors that include our social well-being. Studies demonstrate a direct link between the number of significant relationships in our lives and a reduced risk for disease, mental illness, and early death. It turns out that feeling cared-for, valued, and part of a community make a profound difference in the quality and duration of our lives."People with social support have fewer cardiovascular problems and immune problems, and lower levels of cortisol — a stress hormone," says Tasha R. Howe, PhD, associate professor of psychology at Humboldt State University. "Why? The evolutionary argument maintains that humans are social animals, and we have evolved to be in groups. We have always needed others for our survival. It's in our genes. Therefore, people with social connections feel more relaxed and at peace, which is related to better health."Relationships are an essential part of health. What's more, they help keep our brains from getting rusty, especially when augmented by a healthy lifestyle, a nutritious diet, and regular physical activity.As study after study notes, friends are a key asset. They help us face adverse events, provide concrete assistance if we need it, offer emotional support and information that can help us deal with the stress in our lives. Friends can encourage us to take better care of ourselves.People with wider social networks are also typically higher in self-esteem, and feel they have more control over their lives. On the whole, people with extensive networks of good friends and confidantes outlive those with the fewest friends. Conversely, isolation and loneliness create responses in the body similar to those of stress.The body functions best when we are connected to other people. Activity is crucial to our happiness. Doing something fun and new expands our repertoire of experiences, and lets us see ourselves in new ways. Individuals who continue to maintain close friendships and find other ways to interact socially live longer than those who become isolated.Social workers at the Jewish Home understand how important friendships are for our residents. Through exciting activities such as arts and crafts, exercise classes, field trips, movie nights, concerts, and discussions, our seniors can gather, interact, and play. "We believe that, however you may feel, get up, dress up, and show up," says Devorah Small-Teyer, director of social services for JEKMC. "You'll feel better with friends."

You shall teach [it] to your children andspeak its words when you sit in your house,when you walk on the way, when you lie downand when you rise. ~ Deuteronomy The word Torah means to guide or teach; its teachings shine a light on life and show us which way to go. Given to Moses by God on Mount Sinai, the Torah is the basic text of Judaism and consists of the five books of the Bible – Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy. It contains the 613 mitzvot, or commandments, of which the study of Torah is one.At the Jewish Home’s Eisenberg Village campus, Rabbi Robert Bonem, currently serving as interim rabbi, leads a new class focused on Torah study. Rabbi Rob, as he is known to one and all, has the synagogue set up Yeshiva style, meaning the resident students sit facing one another across the table. The format lends itself to eye contact, a sense of sharing, and the feeling of an informal group. This helps everyone feel comfortable about asking questions and expressing their thoughts.“When we study Torah, we can’t just read it,” says Rabbi Rob. “We have to ask questions and try to understand. By asking broad questions and discussing as a group, we hear different perspectives and learn from each other.”The group is studying Genesis, Chapter 1, verses 1-6: In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth… Attention is paid to the second letter of the Hebrew alphabet, bet, which is the first letter of the first book of the Torah, Bereshit. Rabbi Rob asks the group some interesting questions about the Hebrew letters: Were they created intentionally by man or by God to teach us something? Were they created with meanings in mind, or were they interpreted later? A mystical point of view is the letters came from God and are holy.In Genesis, we learn that “God said ‘let there be light’ and there was light, and God saw that it was good.” This implies that God created with speech. The students are openly sharing their thought-provoking ideas and posing questions. Who was he speaking to? Of course the light was good….it was created by God, so why wouldn’t it be?“In this class, Torah is the springboard to talk about life,” explains Rabbi Rob. “My goal is for people to learn and discuss, to connect to each other, and to maybe become clearer on some things. The beauty is many of us have questions we carry around inside of us….Here we ask the questions.”Resident Suzanne May is an active participant in the Torah Talk class. “I’m always looking for inspiration and a feeling of calmness,” she explains. “When we discuss the Torah, I feel a connection to God, much like I do when I meditate. I’m very happy the Home and Rabbi Rob are making this class available to us.”One of the questions most asked of Rabbi Rob is Why is there evil in the world? When we look read the news or turn on our TVs, one can easily understand why this question is so often asked. In a future class, Rabbi Rob will focus on this question. Perhaps through the study of Torah we can reach a better understanding of each other and the world around us.

Each Friday morning, a group of eager residents gathers in the Eisenberg Village (EV) synagogue, ready to learn Hebrew. As the senior students enter the classroom they excitedly practice what they've learned in the past. One resident greets her peers with a peppy "Shabbat Shalom!" — a greeting used to wish someone a peaceful Shabbat — and another resident replies, "Ech Holech?" which means "How is it going?" in Hebrew.After the seniors have settled in, 73-year-old EV resident and volunteer Hebrew teacher Michal Robins calls the class' attention to the board where she has written the words "Shabbat Shalom — Hayom yom shishi." She asks her students, "Do any of you know what this means?" One brave resident raises her hand and says proudly, "Today is Friday." "Excellent!" Michal exclaims. Michal went on to break down the meaning of each word in the sentence, "Hayom means today. Yom means day. Shishi means the sixth day, which is Friday. Put it together and what have you got?" The class answered with enthusiasm, "Today is Friday!"As the lesson continues, Michal passes out the week's handwritten handouts, sheets of Hebrew words listed next to their meanings. Then Michal explains the meaning of each Hebrew word and helps students create and practice simple, conversational phrases. The seniors excitedly practice their newly learned Hebrew phrases while Michal watches and kindly corrects the students' pronunciation as they practice their phrases.The Friday morning Hebrew class is one of many engaging activities and programs available to the residents of the Los Angeles Jewish Home. Each activity offered is designed to stimulate the mind, body, and spirit of the seniors. Michal's Hebrew class is an excellent way to facilitate new skills, new interests, and new friendships — all while encouraging learning throughout all of life's stages.Social worker Thelma Mata considers learning a new language to be one of the best ways to mentally exercise. She explains, "Getting to know a new language is an excellent way for seniors to increase their brainpower. It enhances their ability to juggle tasks and stay sharp. It's also an exercise in memory and engagement."Myrtle Feenberg, a 99-year-old EV resident, agrees. "I've learned quite a few words and phrases in Hebrew from Michal. I think the class is wonderful! I love coming each week because it stimulates my brain and gives me the chance to learn something new."The proud teacher is pleased with the progress Myrtle and her other students are making. "Like all languages, it takes people a while to absorb all the new information," says Michal. "It takes time, practice, and repetition — that's why we review at the beginning of each class. Hebrew is a complicated language, but with our weekly exercises the participants are becoming real experts."

People are lonely because they build walls, not bridges.~ Unknown Loneliness….It’s something most people have experienced at some point in their lives. For some, the feeling occurs after losing someone important to them, such as a spouse or partner, family member, or close friend. For others, it’s the loss of a job or moving away from friends and an established lifestyle that triggers it. Even the loss of a beloved pet can leave one feeling lonely.Did you know you can be lonely without being alone? You can be in the middle of a crowd and yet still experience loneliness. If you have less social interaction and sense of connection than you would like, chances are you will feel lonely.In a recent gathering, Caryl Geiger, RCFE activities director for Eisenberg Village, lead a discussion of this topic with Jewish Home residents. Many of the participants have experienced loss and major changes during their lifetime and are familiar with this sad feeling of being apart from others. Even a move to a warm, welcoming place like the Home can result in feelings of loneliness. To help deal with this side effect of transition, the Home assigns buddies to show newcomers around, make them aware of all the opportunities for socialization the Home offers, and introduce them to others.The positive effects of banishing loneliness are many. Physically, it can lead to a decrease in blood pressure and cholesterol. Cortisol levels can be lowered, which helps lessen anxiety, digestive problems, heart disease, problems with sleep and obesity. Your immune system can get a boost, leading to less susceptibility to colds and “bugs.” And less loneliness can lessen the incidence depression and, ultimately, risk of suicide.So what can you do if you’re feeling lonely? Our residents came up with a few great suggestions for relief:Read a book. Books are great company and can take you to an entirely different world.Listen to music. Music has the power to mesmerize you. It entertains, relaxes and rejuvenates.Dance. Dancing can let your frustrations out and help you forget your loneliness.Take a walk. Walking makes you part of the world around you while relaxing your body and mind.Exercise. While you’re becoming stronger and feeling healthier, you might make a new friend in yoga class or try out the latest group fitness class.Paint. Express yourself without worrying about the outcome.Garden. Let your garden delight your senses and chase away your loneliness.Meditate. Meditation will help you be at ease, whether you are alone or with others.Clean. While not as much fun as the other ideas, it’s an opportunity to focus on the task at hand and put your house in order.Sleep. A nice nap can help you feel refreshed and renewed.These suggestions can be very helpful in providing short-term relief. Some of them can actually motivate you to reconnect to the world – you may find you’d like to join a book club, or perhaps on your walk you make a new friend, or you are inspired to take an art class. In other words, you begin building a bridge to help end your loneliness.For many people, trying a new activity or talking to someone they don’t know is out of their comfort zone. This can be true for anyone at any age. By taking the focus off of yourself and putting it on others, you can take the first step to making a connection. Smile, say hello, and ask how someone is. People are often eager to talk about their lives. As simple as that, you may be on your way to making a new friend.If you are experiencing chronic loneliness, please reach out to someone you trust – a family member, friend, rabbi or other spiritual leader, or professional counselor. Therapy is often helpful for discovering the reasons for your loneliness, developing coping skills, and moving forward to a happier, healthier life.

Passover is a time for families and friends to gather together and share the story of our forefathers seeking and finding freedom."Passover's theme of freedom is a core ethic of Judaism," says Rabbi Karen Bender, the Jewish Home's Jack H. Skirball Director of Spiritual Life. "When we sit down at our Seders, we celebrate our exodus from a dark place of slavery into the freedom of the desert, and, ultimately, the Promised Land. Our story does not stand alone, however. We must link it to the world in which we live."Rabbi Bender explains, "The Seder is bittersweet, not only because we remember the bitterness of Egypt, but because there are still slaves and people who are oppressed. Passover is about every individual's right to move from suffering and oppression to a place of safety and freedom."On the first night of Passover in 1912, five homeless immigrant men sought freedom to worship with their brethren, safe from the ethnic taunts they had to endure at the "poor house" where they lived. They were taken in by caring Angelenos who read the Haggadah with them and served them dinner. The occasion marked a turning point in the life of the Los Angeles Jewish community, and those five seniors were the first residents of what would become the Jewish Home. The Community Seder at the Home has been a continuous tradition since that historic night one-hundred and three years ago.Please take this opportunity to join residents and staff of the Jewish Home for a truly heartwarming experience as we celebrate Passover and the freedom it represents.This year's Community Seder begins at 5 p.m. on Saturday, April 4th at the Jewish Home's Eisenberg Village campus. Tickets are $40 per adult ($30 per adult family member of Jewish Home residents) and $15 per child for children under 12. Advance purchase of tickets is required by March 27th.Call (818) 774-3386 or email [email protected] to reserve your place.On behalf of the Los Angeles Jewish Home, Chag Sameach!

A sprig of parsley. An egg. It must be Spring. The world around is blooming, summer fruits are around the corner, and the world is modeling for us, indeed, begging us to begin anew. What does that mean for a spiritually minded person? It means pressing the reset button on how we interact with ourselves and each other. Let’s begin with the self. Do you breathe? I have always appreciated the cliché of “stopping to smell the roses” because of its attention to nature, and because to smell something one needs to inhale deliberately and with intention. Do you sing? I have led singing for decades and something transformative happens to our souls when we sing. To sing, you also need to breathe and to press air out with intention. Breathe and sing to refresh your spirit. Do you spend time outside? Wherever we live, in this day and age we do not spend time outside unless we make an effort to do so. The Jewish tradition implores us to spend time outside and to notice what we see. Consider Shabbat. Our tradition asks its observers to notice the sunset once a week! Indeed, you know when Shabbat has begun because the sun has set. What other tradition in the world asks its observers to go outside and stargaze once a week? Indeed, you know when Shabbat is over once you can see at least three stars in the sky. Spend time outside; it will renew you. Do you make enough eye contact with the people you care most about? Moses was famous for speaking with G-d face to face. These days we look at screens more than we look at each other. Each of us yearns to be seen and yet we forget to look. When we turn off the TV, the computer, the cell phone, we honor each other, increase intimacy, and renew our relationships every day. Happy Spring!!! Rabbi Karen BenderSkirball Director of Spiritual Life, Grancell Village Rabbi

This year, Passover, which celebrates the liberation of the Jewish people from the cruel reign of Pharaoh, begins on the evening of Friday, April 22nd. Over the first two nights of the holiday, families and friends will gather together to experience a Seder, a re-telling of their story followed by a festive meal. During the Seder, Four Questions are asked, typically by the youngest in attendance. The questions, and their answers, fulfill our obligation to tell the story to our children, and also piques everyone’s interest. Here, the Jewish Home’s Skirball Director of Spiritual Life, Rabbi Karen Bender, delves deeper into the Four Questions. I want to discuss the famous Four Questions with you. Perhaps you learned these questions in religious school. Perhaps you taught these questions to your own toddlers at bath time. Maybe you never quite learned them yourself but you hoped your grandchildren would. Ma nishtanah halila hazeh? “How is this night different from all other nights?” First of all, this night of Passover is different because of the notion of questions. The entire Seder is designed to stimulate curiosity and questioning. After all, the ability to question is a foundational Jewish value. To question is to reject the status quo and to use one’s imagination to envision a life and world that is more fair, just and loving. To question is to reject what is and to visualize what can be. Slaves cannot ask questions. So inasmuch as the Seder is a reenactment of the Exodus from Egypt, we celebrate our freedom by asking. We ask because we can. The act of asking is so significant that the rabbis decreed even if you happen to find yourself alone on Passover, you, an adult, are supposed to ask the four questions out loud. Let’s look at their content. Abravanel taught that the first two questions remind us of slavery and the last two acknowledge our freedom: Question 1. On all other nights we eat bread or matzah but on this night we eat only matzah. We eat matzah at the Seder to remember our hurried escape from Egypt. Question 2. On all other nights we eat all kinds of vegetables but on this night we eat bitter herbs. The bitter herbs are to remind us of the bitterness of Egypt. Question 3. On all other nights we don’t even dip once but on this night we dip twice. Remember the two dippings? Parsley into salt water and the bitter herbs into the haroset. To understand this one, we have to realize most of our ancestors were poor at most times in most places. In order to dip at a meal you need to have stuff to dip into. At a feast there are lots of stews and sauces and courses and things to dip into them. Usually our ancestors were lucky to have a little bit of bread and perhaps one other item. But on this night we celebrate freedom and eat like emperors. Question 4. On all other nights we eat sitting upright or reclining. On this night we recline. Slaves do not recline while they are eating. Free people who have plenty to eat can recline and be fed. There is one more aspect to the four questions I have noticed over the years. If you change one vowel and say Ma nishtaNEH (instead of Ma nishtanAH), then the question morphs into, “What are we going to change tonight?” Change and transformation can occur. The pharaoh wouldn't change so the Israelites had to. They changed their thinking, their perception and ultimately their circumstances. Passover eve is a night of reenactment and change. You begin the evening as a slave; you end it as a free person. The goal of the role playing is to change you inside. And the best way to change at your Seder is to ask these two questions of yourself: What is society's Egypt? What is my personal Egypt? Have a Sweet Pesach! Rabbi Karen BenderSkirball Director of Spiritual Life, Grancell Village Rabbi

The mission of the Los Angeles Jewish Home’s Skirball Hospice is to provide high-quality, compassionate care to patients enabling them to approach the end of their lives with dignity and in comfort among people they know and love. The hospice staff works diligently in order to ensure the patient’s medical, physical, psychological, and spiritual needs are met. Volunteers become an integral part of the hospice care team, especially when patients have little or no family or community support. They provide patients and their families with comfort, compassion, companionship, and a sense of well-being in the final stages of life’s journey. During the average visit with a patient, a volunteer might be asked to: Provide companionship and listen to a patient’s concernsBe comforting and offer family members emotional supportEngage in the patient’s favorite activities and hobbiesEncourage the patient to talk about his/her lifeCommunicate with other members of the hospice teamRun errands for the patient and his/her familyTake beloved family pets for a walkRun errands for the patient and his/her familyAssist a patient in organizing papers or writing memoirs Because this work is unusual and can be emotionally demanding, searching for the right person to fill this position can be a challenging process. Skirball Hospice volunteer coordinator Lee Rothman, M.Ed., M.A. explains, “When I look for volunteers, I search for someone who is patient, respectful, empathetic, non-judgmental, and comfortable in their own skin. A hospice volunteer must be comfortable being around people who they know will not get better.” Many volunteers, like Peter Giannini, have experienced the loss of a loved one and feel compelled to share their knowledge with others facing the same struggles. “There’s a lot of emotion tied up with losing a loved one. When my mother passed a few years ago, I went through it all. Thanks to that experience, I am better able to come into these delicate situations and give my patients and their families the support they need to get through this difficult time.” Volunteering at Skirball Hospice is a wonderful opportunity for people who only have a few hours a week to give– our volunteers can do so much during that time to brighten up someone’s day. Whether you are having a discussion, reading, listening to music, or enjoying a meal together, the simple act of being present and in each other’s company can be deeply satisfying for you and your patient. Being a hospice volunteer is an intellectually and emotionally fulfilling activity. Lee observes, “Skirball Hospice volunteers benefit from experiencing the different aspects of caring for the terminally ill. They gain a deeper understanding of death, dying, grief, loss, and end of life decision-making. These volunteers have the opportunity to make a tremendous difference in someone’s life. Not only do they get to know their patients and their families, they are able to learn a lot about themselves. Hospice philosophy views death as a natural part of life. Volunteering with hospice patients can lead to a greater appreciation for one’s own life.” For many, volunteering at hospice has been an eye-opening experience. “In my time working with Hospice patients, I’ve been exposed to something not many people have the chance to experience,” Skirball volunteer Bob Moore shares. “I’ve learned a wealth of information – I’m so much more aware about aging and the last stages of life. I’m experiencing a whole new aspect of quality of life and care." Skirball Hospice volunteer Peter Marcus feels the same way. “Whatever preconceived notions you have about end of life care, shake them off. There is beauty to be found in the extraordinary circumstances where we find ourselves. It’s worthwhile work. It offers a real opportunity to do something useful, and a greater sense of understanding if you’re paying attention.” With as little as one hour a week, a volunteer can greatly enhance the lives of a Hospice patient and his or her family. If you are interested in becoming a volunteer at the Jewish Home’s Skirball Hospice, visit their volunteer page online for more information or contact Lee Rothman, volunteer coordinator, at [email protected] or (818) 774-3040 extension 355.